Thursday, December 15, 2011

True Love?

I've always feared getting bored
And bored I've always been
Bored of people, bored of love
And places I have seen

There was nought I couldn't replace
Nought, with the exception of me
So even a little, I wouldn't change
Lest the same me I shouldn't be

Along you came and found me bored
Thinking, you could be more than the ones before
Made me love and laugh that much more
And life for a while, was not such a bore

Yet bored of being tamed, again I feel
Darling, you know how I can be
But this time round, there's a difficulty
I can't replace you, it rather be me

So little by little, I become a little bit nice
Like putting on a flame, little cubes of ice
For a love song, this might seem a bit odd
I see you smile, and I knew you'd nod

But I believe, I can now say this safely
Sweetheart I'm comfortable and happy reasonably
From the core of my cold heart, I love you
If bored I have to be, I'd rather get bored with you

I want to get bored with you...
I want to grow old with you

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Quarter Life Crisis



I feel hot and cold
So young, yet so old
I’ve bought and I’ve been sold
I said and I’ve been told
Like a cigarette half smoked
Half young and half old
I’m trash, I am gold
I’m midway on this road
So timid, yet so bold
I’m open and I’m closed
To secrets I’ve been told
And how it is…
To be 25 years old

Friday, November 25, 2011

Running


With all the burden of the world
My green mother spends her days
Constantly sunning herself, she turns
In her roundabout ways

The wind runs on like a wild child
Heedless, with havoc plays
Day and night, teasing me
As I wait for its capricious rains

And that queenly cat on the windowsill
Who comes and goes or stays
Preening her perfect silky coat
All day she stretches and plays

Why can’t I be lazy and ambition-less
With all the time in the world?
Why should I spend it running scared
This little time in the world

Why should I not take a moment and pause
To take in the patterns of the clouds
Or just carry my share to the ants’ house
Myopic eyes mirroring our common doubts



Thursday, October 6, 2011

Purple


I wake up lying indecorously, in a busy airport terminal. Dressed all different, too formal, and with the wrong shoes. Purple shoes, too bright, too shiny. Going by the pasty complexions and the slanted black eyes of most of the people in the bustle, I think I can safely assume that I’m not in my own country.

Almost pushed by the crowd, I climb onto an escalator and then into an elevator. The elevator is completely made of glass and quite roomy, with a lot of bright lights on the ceiling. When the lift stops, and I look down, we seem to have come up hundreds of floors, and the sight exhilarates me, at the same time giving me a sense of vertigo. And now there’s only one person besides me in the elevator, a thin middle-aged Chinaman with wise, kindly eyes; who smiles at me as I exclaim, “Beautiful!” like a village child on her first time in the city. On a closer look, the man is younger than the lines on his face seem to suggest.

His demeanor is that of a host and at the same time, a little servile. He is dressed like a butler but his watch and his shoes look too expensive for that. He guides me into another similar elevator, and this time I count the number of floors we pass. I lose count during the 80’s and I feel dizzy. Once again I exclaim, “Beautiful!”, like a fool as we come out on a terrace and I quickly sit down on my shaking knees, laughing apologetically, “I feel faint!” He smiles his kindly smile. I ask him to hand me my purse, which seems to have fallen at his feet. I fumble inside and finally light a cigarette. My hands shake too much. He seems to disapprove, and I feel like a stupid kid again.

He says, “You seem to have a taste for beauty and the unusual.”, again with that kindly smile. “I would very much like you to work for me.”  “What kind of work?” I say, to humor him, because I don't want to end the conversation just yet. “Visit places and sell ideas, sell my work”. “You really don’t have to be so extravagant in your talk. You want to get inside my pants?”, I laugh, amused at this old man’s quaint flirting.

He looks away, taken aback and embarrassed, “No, no, I am already in pants”, he laughs in his strange lilting accent. “I only ask for devotion in return for devotion”, he says quietly as he leans towards my face. Suddenly this tired, father-like figure is the most attractive man in the world. His all-knowing eyes draw me in. I almost didn’t feel the kiss, it was so slight.

He tells me what he needs me to do, places I need to go, but I’m not listening. The next thing I remember is telling him that a friend of mine will be coming to see me, and maybe he could let her work with me. In a second, the wise, kindly man transformed into a furious and unforgiving master. His eyes were cold; I was terrified, and hurt. Very softly, through gritted teeth, he said, “So someone knows where you are. Let her come.” I had no means of warning her, as an ice cold fist clutched my heart. I knew bad events were in the offing.

She arrived, clueless, rambling, and with a huge camera slung around her neck. We watched her, I breathless with fear and anticipation; he, with a calculating gaze; as she chattered on, taking pictures and exploring the terrace. She reached a side door, which I instinctively knew, should not be opened. He and I, we both screamed at the same instant, “No!” as she opened it.

“As it is too late, I might as well give you ladies a little tour”, he said, cold and smiling. This part of the terrace was empty except for three flower pots. The pot in the middle has a plant with wild-looking purple flowers. Me and my friend, look at him in bewilderment.  “You little girls might not have tried opium, but you certainly must have heard of it, and what it does”, he smiled. “This purple beauty puts opium to shame. A single drop of nectar from this flower, is 84 times more powerful, and equally more wonderful in the magic it works”, he continued smiling. “This is the only one of its kind in private possession, you know”, there was pride in his voice.

“So you have to kill us now?”, I asked, strangely calm. “That’s the best solution you could think of, my love?”, he laughed. “I think you and your friend had better be on your way now”.

We ran. We ran and we ran, and it felt like a thousand clouds burst inside my ears and that my heart would jump right out of my mouth. We ran outside the gates, just as loud hideous screeches started inside, some kind of alarm, I assumed.

As we came in sight of the town and a few dingy houses, we stopped to breathe. I asked her, “Should we throw away our SIM cards so that we can’t be tracked? And leave the town immediately?” My voice sounded squeaky and hysterical in my own ears. “Aren’t you overreacting a bit?”, she said.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

तुम यहीं बैठे हो

आज बादल गरजे नहीं,
दिल कहीं लगा नहीं
आँखें मूँद लीं खुलते ही,
मेरे लिए यह सुबह नहीं
यह दिन जी तो पाते ना हम,
मगर तुम यहीं बैठे हो

मन घबराता हुआ सही,
दरिया में गोते लगाता कई
बेबुनियाद दर्द के दलदल में,
पगला, ठिकाना अपना ढूंढता कहीं
सतह तक वापस आना तो चाहते ना हम,
मगर तुम यहीं बैठे हो

मुस्कुराना हम चाहते नहीं,
आंसुओं को तुम जो चूम लेते हो
खुश रहने की भी हिम्मत नहीं,
तुम दर्द का जो ख़याल करते हो
मगर हंसी देखो रूकती नहीं
जब तक तुम यहीं बैठे हो
 











Saturday, February 19, 2011

Daydream

My legs are all tangled up
In your idle daydreams
I'm the dregs in your teacup
It doesn't make sense

I dream of being all dolled up
In your idle daydreams
But you don't dream in colour
And it makes no sense

In a corner I'm curled up
While you idly daydream
You don't smile and I'm right there
It doesn't make sense

You go down and I look up
While I idly daydream
What I had is what I'll have
I have no sense

Monday, January 17, 2011

Two Trains

Love of my life
Monster of my own creation
I think the devil’s wife
Penned a lover’s definition

Love is happiness
World’s most prevalent illusion
Frustration and helplessness
Fruits of beautiful self-delusion

Broken hearts occur in pairs
And self-abomination
Darkness juxtaposed in layers
Of pretty pink infatuation

If you and I met on a bus
And struck up a conversation
I’d have liked you and you me, thus
Free from the poison of adulation

But I weighed you against
A free woman’s comprehension
And you failed to paint
On me a picture of perfection

Is there anything left?
Not even civil words of salutation
‘Cause we cannot leave and we cannot stay
Opposite trains at the same station